To Great Indian Litterbugs, I am writing this letter to tell you how proud I feel about your aimlessness and laziness. That’s such a rare talent. Because it’s so difficult to stand right in front of a dustbin and drop the garbage around it rather than in it. Scientists are also curious on how you’ll manage to be so awesome at this. A few of you can apply to be their test subjects here.
I am a huge fan of all you litterbugs. Yes, each one of you! Come on applaud yourselves for being the talk of nations and for being admired by people all over the world. I have kept this admiration a secret until today as I don’t have the capacity to bottle these emotions anymore.
I love going for long drives and watching you roll down the car windows and flinging those colourful empty wrappers out on the streets for the beggars to make waste plastic kites. These acts of kindness and charity makes my heart swell with love for you all. You also indirectly make them great craftsmen. Have I ever mentioned how I adore people who chew paan and then spray those dull walls with their personalized genetic red paint? Well, now you know 😉 If you spot such litterbugs do tweet in their pictures with the hashtag #SpitSwag! If you’re one, well you have a date with me!
Oh I also have an amazing idea to promote your other extracurricular activities. You could send an open invitation to all foreigners planning on a trip to India but are unsure about backpacking around the fragrance and artistic streets of India due to sanitation facilities, on how you don’t need to worry about having a washroom nearby because you can urinate on any wall and can take a dump at any corner of the street and that’s how you Indian Litterbugs clean up the bowels from your system! I completely get the whole idea behind these activities conducted by you’ll. There are absolutely no restrictions because it’s all god given, we eat from the earth and then process that to give it back to earth just with more benefits. You know the whole waste manure theory. Am I right eh?
I also need to thank you for making me laugh so loud each time I slipped and fell on the streets because you’ll had left a banana peel. That is the coolest prank ever played! So many have fallen for it, literally! You guys also have a great sense of humour and also a very creative way of making us look down and walk.
Kids are learning so much from these little things you guys keep doing. No wonder they write such cute things on their school desks and toilet walls because scribbling in notebooks is so cliché.
The Great Indian Litterbugs have made a huge progress and it makes me so proud to call myself an Indian after learning about all the charitable work you all have done. The contribution by each one of you has made a tremendous difference in all our lives. I know you’ll face a lot of hatred from those cleanliness freaks who cannot phantom the thought of doing anything even close to what you all do. Their #SwachBharat campaign is downright lame and useless. They really think they can take, you Indian litterbugs down? Huh! Worry not, they are just not as skilled as you Indian Litterbugs and they cannot accept that you are doing some greater work than them.
So spit on, take a dump and throw some more waste out on the streets because without all of that a garbage man will not have anything to pick and would totally lose his job. Ah, you guys I cannot stop praising you! Keep the great work going even if it takes you to jail 🙂

Credits: ffffound
Credits: ffffound

Lots of  Love,
Zainab Attari